My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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