dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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