Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
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I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
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Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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