never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
