on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
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I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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