..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My vagina is very pro this idea
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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