This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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