I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
