My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you will always have a special place in my vag
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
