508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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