I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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