I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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