my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
