Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
