I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
