Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Porn is love you can see.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
