im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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