I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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