Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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