Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
