okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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