He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
