Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
