We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
