You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
