____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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