1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
no you cant smoke seaweed
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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