Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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