Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
