I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
