i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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