you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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