you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Let's paint friendship bongs
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
