Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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