i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
