They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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