She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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