Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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