There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
