I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
