she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
