apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
