I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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