oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize