if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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