I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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