and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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