I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
