If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
either way he was missing a nipple.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
