I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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