What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
