She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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