I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
