I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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