Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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