lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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