Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
