Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
