I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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