apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
