Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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