Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
