I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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