I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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