Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
