So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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