you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
