There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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