My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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